I heard it all through school, "What do YOU want to be?"
I never knew the answer.
I picked the wrong thing when I graduated at 17 and decided I'd go into Television Production. I chuckle deep every time I think about how insanely wrong that choice was for me. But then I wonder if it was exactly what I need to realize God's plans are so much better than my own.
The more I talk to children and teens, the more I realize the biggest problem with our 'life-coaching' to young people. We lack one main ingredient, the source of life itself. We dream our dreams and plan our roads and we push God completely out of the picture. Then we wonder why things don't work out.
I wish someone had of seriously sat down with me when I was a teen and told me I didn't need to figure out what to 'do' with my life. I needed to seek God and surrender to Him. Yes, wholeheartedly run after almighty God - and then, He would reveal His purpose for my life. But, no one told me that.
I think it's rare for anyone to actually say the words - seek God first. Maybe it sounds ridiculous or too vague or who knows what, but isn't it truth? For those of us who call Jesus Lord, we have to believe He knows what is in store for us. If God is the author, should we not be seeking His guidance?
Reality is, we're called to seek and then surrender.
White flag waving in the wind, head bowed, heart abandoned - a complete hands-up to our savior who truly does know best and knows all.
I'm almost 30 (yikes) and I'm only really starting to understand and fully live this whole 'surrender' thing. It means what I want - forget it. What I think I need? I probably don't. What I thought my life would be - it likely won't be. What God is putting right in front of me and saying "say yes" when I desperately want to scream 'no' - OH YES, that too. And I fail at this - and I question my decisions. And I wonder if I'm truly living the gospel and truly embracing His purpose - yes, I wonder those things daily.
But surrender? It's taking our every day and offering it up. No matter how inconvenient. (And if you've been handed it, you know what I mean by the inconvenient.) It means loving when you don't want to. It means leaving your dreams alone to allow His dreams to grow.
After all, He does give us the desires of our heart.
And as I've laid down more and more (with so much more to go), I've realize who I am has changed. He is changing me into some one I never thought was inside of me. Oh boy, is there much work still to be done, but I marvel at how Christ in me has completely changed the very core of who I am. This laying down of life stuff is HARD. It's not an easy road, and it was never described as such. But the joy, deep, deep joy that overflows in the white flag days - it is rich and beautiful.
My desires have changed. My heart had gone through metamorphosis. And I didn't even really want it to. Not for a long time. But over the years I started to see the truth. Things I used to think were important, no longer get a passing thought. Things I used to not even think about - have become my heartbeat.
He knows who I am to become and where He desires to take our family. He has seen all things. No more "I want" or "I need". It isn't about me. It's about Him.
He laid down His life for us.
How simple that we ought to lay ours down for Him.
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